I was sitting here on the computer and then I remembered the time I slipped and fell in the supermarket a few months back on "unidentified wetness." Before I could peel myself off the floor, a woman of measurable size followed suit, landing on top of me.
Ever had an ass the size of a mini van drop onto your stomach?
This interesting spin on the Heimlich maneuver removed the burrito I had eaten a half hour earlier and deposited it into the woman's weave.

She then called me disgusting.